Huh?

My photo
Utah, United States
One night while tucking Abby into bed she sweetly chimed, "good night! Sleep tight! Don't let the bed bites bug you!" I like her thinking. Sometimes life bites. The trick is to not let it bug you.

Friday, September 09, 2011

5 Years of Overcoming the Bugs

Christmas 2005, expecting Annie.
I just realized last night that my blog is 5 years old! Happy 5th Anniversary to me! You can check out my first few posts in 2006 here.

I can't say I've been blogging for all 5 years, as there were a couple of years ('08, '09) when I was, well, trying to figure my life out after losing a child. It's probably just as well that I wasn't blogging during that dark time.

Halloween 2006, with Annie.
When I began blogging, it was mostly out of interest in the concept. I enjoyed reading blogs, and the idea of having my own site- before I had ever even heard of a "Facebook page"- seemed like a fun opportunity to play with. I used my blog to remark on silly things and keep my followers (my mom and sisters, basically) updated on family happenings.

2007, Shropshire, England.
I started my blog about 3 months after the birth of my fifth child, Annie. I was overwhelmed and stressed as a mother, and my blog gave me an outlet for my lighthearted side. When I look back at the things I wrote then, it is evident to me that stressed though I may have been, my natural inclination toward cheerfulness was still untainted by the sad events that were to come.

2008, with Abby.
At first I tried to keep my blog going after we lost Annie. During the initial months after the funeral (2007), we rallied as a family and I depended on the normal routines to help the kids cope and keep myself from losing it. Scott and I relied on each other for support. As time wore on, however, it became harder to keep up the positive momentum, and looking back I can identify how we withdrew quite a bit in our grief. I had been the children's song leader at church prior to this time, and after we lost Annie, I no longer could summon the cheerleader in me or the creativity that made me effective in that job. I felt the same way about blogging. I let DLBBBY sit unattended in cyber-space.
2009, enjoying baby Bobby.

I am relieved to now be able to say that life does go on, and there is still joy to be found after tragedy. It seems fitting to be thinking about how tragedy has affected my life just before 9/11, too. I think I can draw many similarities from how our country has healed since that event to how I have healed since my significant loss. We've moved on, we've become stronger in many ways, but we'll never forget, and we'll never be the same.

2010, 40th Birthday in NYC with Kimmy.
The trajectory of my life was affected more than I ever anticipated by the events of the past decade, and I am a different person now than I was even only 5 years ago. I know I'm less concerned with the superficialities of life, more interested in relationships and life lessons. Seems like these are the things I'm blogging about the most nowadays.
Scotty and me, 2011.

Thankfully, I have been blessed with many joyful events over the past few years, and my family has been enjoying a season of recovery and happiness. As my dear friend Karen L. commented after my very first post, "... life is part yuck. The trick is not to let it bug you."

I'm so glad now that I have my blog to help me remember who I was and who I am becoming. I hope I'll be able to look back again 5 years from now and learn even more. Thanks for coming along for the ride.

1 comment:

Jane said...

I love you, Karen. You are so honest and open...it's a beautiful thing, my friend.